The Story of the Good Gay Bar Owner

Once, a lawyer approached Jesus to test Him, asking, “Teacher, what should I do in order to have eternal life?”

Jesus answered, “What is written in the Law of Moses? What is your reading of it?”

The lawyer replied, “‘You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your strength, and with all your mind,’ and ‘you shall love your neighbour as yourself.’”

Jesus said, “You have answered correctly; do this and you will live.”

But the lawyer wanted to appear smart, so he asked, “And who is my neighboour?”

So Jesus told this story:

A man suffered a great personal loss and lamented this in a Facebook status update. Now by chance a church ministry director read the update, and quickly moved on as he needed to update the church website with the latest articles on caring and Christian living. Later, a Christian accountability group leader read the update, and quickly moved on as she needed to examine her Facebook News Feed to see if anyone in her Christian accountability group has posted anything un-Christian on Facebook. If so, she is to immediately inform the Pharisee church pastor (who does not have a Facebook account, because Facebook is un-Christian) about the infraction so the offending church member can be held to account – which is what Christian accountability is all about.

Finally, an owner of a gay bar in the city of Sodom logged on to his Facebook account. He thought, how can I further promote and celebrate homosexuality and transgenderism, so as to increase the profits for my establishment? Perhaps a fetish fashion show featuring the latest in revealing and titillating leather gear, or a bisexual dating marathon where people can meet as many new casual sex partners of all orientations as they can? Then he saw the status update by the man with the great personal loss. The gay bar owner immediately sent the man a message of condolence and encouragement, and immediately alerted all mutual friends so they can help console the man with the great personal loss as well. As a result, the man was comforted and moved on from despair.

Jesus asked, “So which of these three do you think was neighbour to the man who suffered a great personal loss?”

The lawyer answered, “The one who showed mercy on the man.”

Then Jesus said to him, “Go and do likewise.”

(Adapted from Luke 10:25-37)

A (non) conversation with the Pharisee church pastor

I was visiting the Pharisee church pastor (“PCP”) in his office the other day when the following exchange took place.  He was working on some sermon, while I was reading the newspaper:

Me – Check out this profile of a senior executive in the global investment banking firm “Sack Them Goats”.  He has been accused by the regulators of knowingly selling crappy financial products to his clients, while making bets that pay him lots of money when those products fail.

PCP – Uh huh. (Eyes remained focused on his work)

Me – One of the state attorneys general has also accused this executive of knowingly setting up and promoting unfair mortgage schemes, which resulted in thousands of families losing their homes during the financial crisis.

PCP – Um, ah huh. (Corrects some typo in his draft sermon)

Me – According to an investigative documentary, this Sack Them Goats executive was also instrumental in artificially suppressing the price of gold for many years, which contributed to the impoverishment of many African nations, making millions of children malnourished or even dead due to hunger.

PCP – Hmm. (Looks up something from a thick reference book)

Me – Last year, this executive collected over $100 million in cash bonuses alone, stock options extra.

PCP – Sure. (Gently taps his pen while pondering his draft)

Me – On the personal level, however, this Sack Them Goats executive is a dedicated family man.  He has been married to his same sex partner for over 10 years, and they have adopted two children from overseas orphanages.

PCP – What?!  An evil homosexual?!  (Screaming)  He is going to burn in hell for eternity!!!  Homosexuals like him are what’s wrong with society today!!!  (Followed by a tirade about “the demonic gay agenda”, “corrupting children”, “destroying marriage”, etc.)

It appears that, to some people, the speck of homosexuality is more significant than the log/plank of rapacious greed.

Christian teachers in Ontario may need to resign from the profession

Among many other things, the Pharisee church pastor I wrote about in my earlier story declared that Christians are not allowed to participate in lotteries.  I did hear this un-Biblical prohibition preached from the pulpit, which was why it was in the story.  Those Christians who hold on to this opinion, and who happen to be teachers in the Province of Ontario, Canada, will now need to resign from their profession immediately.  This is because the Ontario Teachers’ Pension Plan has just bought the operator of the United Kingdom National Lottery, making current and former Ontario teachers the owners of a major lottery scheme:

Story from the Globe and Mail, Canada’s National Newspaper

News Release from the Ontario Teachers’ Pension Plan

Retired teachers will also have to voluntarily decline their pensions as well.  Perhaps the Pharisee church pastor might be willing to pay the bills of those in “his church” in this situation, although I highly doubt it.