“All diseases, from the common cold to cancer, are caused by sin in your life” declares the Pharisee church pastor

It being the middle of ragweed allergy season, I let out a few sneezes during my last visit to the Pharisee church pastor’s office.

“Andrew,” said the Pharisee church pastor, “you need to confess your sins and be held accountable in one of my Christian accountability groups.  You clearly have sin in your life.”

Say what?

“You are obviously unwell.  This means you have sinned.  All diseases, from the common cold to cancer, are caused by sin in your life.  Disease is one of many ways that God uses to punish people for their sins.  Because of that, if I see that someone is sick, I know automatically that it is because of sin in that person’s life.

“For example, let us suppose someone is born blind.  I know right away that someone must have sinned to cause this blindness; the only unknown is whether it is the blind person who is the sinner in need of Christian accountability, or whether it is that person’s parents who sinned and need to be held accountable.”

Pharisee church pastor, I can see how the parents could have sinned.  But how is it possible that a newborn infant could have committed sins by birth?

“Andrew,” replied the Pharisee church pastor, “you need to pay better attention to my teachings!  Recall my teaching on the evils of the AIDS vaccine.  Children, even those who have just been born, can be punished through diseases, as preventive judgement.  These children would have grown up to become homosexuals, adulterers, and prostitutes, and for that reason they are punished by diseases such as AIDS.

“It is also possible that someone could have committed sins while being a fetus.  While the specific sins committed by a fetus is not known, what I know is that all living persons, born or unborn, are sinners who need to be held accountable by accountability partners or Christian accountability groups.

“Another clear example of someone being punished, through disease because of sin, is Stephen Hawking.  This sinful man is best known for his atheism, followed by his amyotrophic lateral sclerosis (Lou Gehrig’s disease).  The connection between the two is that his atheism is the reason for his disease.

“What Stephen Hawking needs to do is to repent from his atheism and numerous other sins, and be held accountable in Christian accountability.  I understand that Hawking will be making frequent visits to the Waterloo area.  He should count it a blessing that I happen to be running a Christian accountability group for executives of Research In Motion (RIM), makers of the Blackberry smartphone.  I invite Hawking to join my group, so I can hold him accountable for his sins.  By having me as an accountability partner, and repenting from his sins, Hawking may perhaps accomplish something with his life, and maybe make a contribution to society.

“The most important thing to remember is this: all disease is caused by sin in that person’s life.  If someone is sick, it is because of sin, and that person is being punished for it.  The sick person needs to be held accountable for their sins by an accountability partner, in a Christian accountability group.”

Say, Pharisee church pastor, I heard you having a coughing fit the other day…

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8 Responses to ““All diseases, from the common cold to cancer, are caused by sin in your life” declares the Pharisee church pastor”

  1. Wesley Walker Says:

    It is amazing what preachers will say. I wish these preachers would just spend more time in God’s Word, instead of throwing in their opinionated rhetoric.

    Like

  2. World Wide News Flash Says:

    ?All diseases, from the common cold to cancer, are caused by sin ……

    I found your entry interesting do I’ve added a Trackback to it on my weblog :)…

    Like

  3. Dug Says:

    This preacher first be declared himself sinner before pointing other people for their sickness vs sin , I considered this man in mad, sick he needs urgently shelter of asylum than at church.

    Like

  4. Stop sinning, guys « Overheard in… Says:

    […] To read the rest, click here. […]

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  5. Loopy Says:

    This is a joke right? It has to be a joke!!!!!! Seriously…nobody can believe this crap…even he who speaks it..,lol. I was brought up in a very Christian home but never ever were we taught this garbage. Get a life Pharisee church pastor and quit saying such retarded things and say something worth listening to.

    Like

  6. kimmymac Says:

    We are indeed living in the last days,Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder can see this FALSE TEACHER.The word of God said( 2Cor 13:1)In the mouth of two or three witnesses shall every word be established.There you have it! From what i’m reading it sounds like alo of you people are not reading the WORD OF GOD. The last time i check (Ps 51:5)Behold, I was shapen in iniquity;and in sin did my mother conceive me. Now what? ask that man the next time how was he conceive and he needs to be born again of the spirit this time.

    Like

  7. kimmymac Says:

    We are indeed living in the last days,Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder can see this FALSE TEACHER.The word of God said( 2Cor 13:1)In the mouth of two or three witnesses shall every word be established.There you have it! From what i’m reading it sounds like all of you people are not reading the WORD OF GOD. The last time i check (Ps 51:5)Behold, I was shapen in iniquity;and in sin did my mother conceive me. Now what? ask that man the next time how was he conceive and he needs to be born again of the spirit this time.

    Like

  8. Marty Murray Says:

    There is much truth in what this preacher says.

    While I find the punishment aspect a little silly, I do tend to agree that Stephen Hawking is indeed missing things that if he saw he could use to get himself healthy and that the things he is missing seem to have something to do with spirituality.

    I also tend to agree that if one is sick, that there is something wrong with the way one is living.

    I had allergies in the past and they were definitely a manifestation of inner violence and unhealthy ways.

    Like

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